Being a stay at home mom can be hard sometimes.
Lately, I have struggled with the question of if I am good enough for my children.
Am I doing everything they need me to do to facilitate them becoming functioning humans?
Do we eat healthy enough? Do I push the health foods too much?
Can we afford to send Annie to preschool?
Do I spend too much money on non essentials and not enough on tools for their learning?
Should I go back to work so we can save more money to get her a house with a yard?
Would the house and the yard be worth it to her if I wasn't home to play with her in it?
Is her misbehavior her way of gaining control for lack of stability, or does she have ADHD?
Am I doing everything they need me to do to facilitate them becoming functioning humans?
Do we eat healthy enough? Do I push the health foods too much?
Can we afford to send Annie to preschool?
Do I spend too much money on non essentials and not enough on tools for their learning?
Should I go back to work so we can save more money to get her a house with a yard?
Would the house and the yard be worth it to her if I wasn't home to play with her in it?
Is her misbehavior her way of gaining control for lack of stability, or does she have ADHD?
Since things settled down after our moved,
we started wondering if some of Annie's bad habits and rebelliousness
were because of the changes or a form of ADD/ADHD.
Annie has always been an active little girl,
but around her 2nd birthday, active became hyperactive.
If you have spent much time with Annie,
you know that she doesn't sit still.
She is very easily distracted, and cannot do basic tasks,
like brush her teeth or wash her hands, without supervision.
She destroys toys and books for the fun,
throws her mattress off her bed,
and empty's her drawers and toy boxes for the sake of something to do.
We have had a rough 2.5 years with her since we left Rexburg,
and for the longest time, I've felt like it's my fault.
We took her from the only home she knew,
and we moved to Corona to live with family,
which you would think wouldn't be too bad for her.
But we didn't just move her,
I went back to work and Jacob stayed home with her.
For 6 months I was never home,and when I was,
I mostly slept because the commute and pregnancy were too much.
Poor Jacob had no idea about routines
and Annie's need for outdoor activities daily.
So they stayed cooped upstairs and Annie got stir crazy.
She developed some of her worst habits,
yelling, hitting, screaming, picky eating.
It was all Jacob could do to go an hour some days without a tantrum.
And I know most of it was because she needed to feel in control.
I was gone, and she was somewhere she wasn't used to.
When we left for Mesa, we all,
(probably including my in-laws though they'd never say it)
were happy to go, the close quarters had taken it's toll.
We finally had our own space again,
Jake was back to work, and Annie had me home again.
But Annie and I weren't the same.
She didn't trust me like she used to, and for a few months,
she freaked out every time I walked toward the door.
Her attachment calmed down after a while, but her bad habits were too much.
We had hoped we wouldn't have to leave Mesa.
Annie had gotten used to it there,
and after getting a new baby brother,
moving was the last thing she needed.
But we had to move, the job wasn't there,
and Vegas was the best choice for our family.
I know all this, I knew it when we made the decision,
but it doesn't make me feel any better that my poor Annie
had to be uprooted again.
SO here is my dilemma:
Have I just put Annie through the ringer so much with all the lack of stability these past 2.5 years that she was never able to develop discipline and self control?
OR
Did I pass on the genes that make her predisposed to Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorders?
This is what keeps my up at night.
It is my fault my child is the way she is,
no matter how you slice it, I am at fault.
When I woke up this morning,
my jaw sore, still recovering from surgery, hungry and exhausted
from getting over emotional last night about our finances, again,
all I wanted was a day where I didn't need to be mom.
Annie is testing her boundaries because her grandma Tap-tap just left yesterday,
and she wants the freedom here at home that she got when she was out with Tap-tap.
So today, I have to be stern, I have to be mean.
Today I have to remind her that we don't climb on the table,
that little brothers aren't chairs,
and that we don't go in mommy's room with out mommy.
Today I will have a rough day, and struggle not to yell.
Today I will have to remember I love her more than my own life,
and I will have to call on my Father in Heaven more than usual for help to keep my emotions at bay.
We took her from the only home she knew,
and we moved to Corona to live with family,
which you would think wouldn't be too bad for her.
But we didn't just move her,
I went back to work and Jacob stayed home with her.
For 6 months I was never home,and when I was,
I mostly slept because the commute and pregnancy were too much.
Poor Jacob had no idea about routines
and Annie's need for outdoor activities daily.
So they stayed cooped upstairs and Annie got stir crazy.
She developed some of her worst habits,
yelling, hitting, screaming, picky eating.
It was all Jacob could do to go an hour some days without a tantrum.
And I know most of it was because she needed to feel in control.
I was gone, and she was somewhere she wasn't used to.
When we left for Mesa, we all,
(probably including my in-laws though they'd never say it)
were happy to go, the close quarters had taken it's toll.
We finally had our own space again,
Jake was back to work, and Annie had me home again.
But Annie and I weren't the same.
She didn't trust me like she used to, and for a few months,
she freaked out every time I walked toward the door.
Her attachment calmed down after a while, but her bad habits were too much.
We had hoped we wouldn't have to leave Mesa.
Annie had gotten used to it there,
and after getting a new baby brother,
moving was the last thing she needed.
But we had to move, the job wasn't there,
and Vegas was the best choice for our family.
I know all this, I knew it when we made the decision,
but it doesn't make me feel any better that my poor Annie
had to be uprooted again.
SO here is my dilemma:
Have I just put Annie through the ringer so much with all the lack of stability these past 2.5 years that she was never able to develop discipline and self control?
OR
Did I pass on the genes that make her predisposed to Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorders?
This is what keeps my up at night.
It is my fault my child is the way she is,
no matter how you slice it, I am at fault.
When I woke up this morning,
my jaw sore, still recovering from surgery, hungry and exhausted
from getting over emotional last night about our finances, again,
all I wanted was a day where I didn't need to be mom.
Annie is testing her boundaries because her grandma Tap-tap just left yesterday,
and she wants the freedom here at home that she got when she was out with Tap-tap.
So today, I have to be stern, I have to be mean.
Today I have to remind her that we don't climb on the table,
that little brothers aren't chairs,
and that we don't go in mommy's room with out mommy.
Today I will have a rough day, and struggle not to yell.
Today I will have to remember I love her more than my own life,
and I will have to call on my Father in Heaven more than usual for help to keep my emotions at bay.
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